Seana

Why... in the name of all that is holy... did I wait until now to have nights like last night?

I'm going to try to get every detail of it down. I know I'll fall short. And I'll fall way short of capturing the actual feeling of last night, but I'll do my best.

After finishing up last night's entry and getting offline--first taking down the CL post--I put on my coat and my pink mittens and grabbed my purse and actually ran for the elevator (I live on the fifth floor).

The coffee shop was between her place and mine. Three blocks away from me. I walked really fast, probably enough to draw attention. Late Friday evening, and cold enough to see my breath. Big snowflakes coming down, making cones under the streetlights.

She was standing outside the front door when I got there. I could tell from halfway down the block that it was her, and I'm sure she saw me at least that far off. I picked up my pace the last hundred feet. My heart was slamming against my ribs. I bit my lower lip and smiled.

"Seana?"

She gave me a hug and said, "Anxious much?"

We laughed. We went in and looked for a booth. I remember thinking, right then, following her through the crowd, that it might still not happen. That she might not be interested after we'd talked, and that after half an hour I'd be walking back to my place alone, to write a new CL post.

We got to a booth. I took my coat off and was about to set it down on my side before sliding in. Instead she asked me to hand it to her, and then she put both of our coats on one side and slid in right next to me. Her hip against mine. She looked at me, her face about three inches from my own.

I stopped worrying that it wasn't going to happen.

For whatever reason, my teeth weren't chattering by that point. They'd stopped sometime during the walk there, even in the cold. But obviously everything else about me gave away the nerves.

"You weren't kidding in your post," she said. "This really is your first time."

"Uh huh." I think I breathed it more than spoke it.

I was just staring at her. Her eyes, a dark green that bordered on black. Her hair, a little lighter than mine, just touching her shoulders. She had this little birthmark on her neck, right at the margin of her collar. I don't think I've ever wanted to kiss something more than I wanted to kiss that thing, at that moment.

"How about you?" I asked. I was pretty sure it wasn't her first time.

"I've done it quite a bit," she said. "A few relationships. No commitments right now. Just sort of... having fun. Does it bother you that I've been with lots of girls?"

I shook my head.

I told her I'd had boyfriends. Asked her if that bothered her. It didn't. We talked about random things for a few minutes. What I did for a living. What she was studying. Where we were from. The place was loud, and when she talked she'd lean against me and cup her mouth to my ear. I felt her breath on my skin. Felt her lips actually brushing my ear.

I realized I wasn't doing the same when I spoke to her. Like it hadn't occurred to me that I could. The twine leash again. I put my mouth to her ear and let my lips graze it and said, "So we're actually doing this?"

"If you're up for it," she said, "we're definitely doing it."

I smiled. "Then we're definitely doing it."

"Do you even feel like ordering?" she said.

I laughed, surprising myself. "I don't think I'd make it through the wait," I said.

"Then let's go to my place."

She stood. Grabbed our coats and handed me mine. We slipped them on and she took my hand and I followed her through the crowd again.

Her place was two blocks away. A forty-story condo building. We squeezed together into the same quadrant of the revolving door into the lobby. She didn't seem to care if anyone there saw her holding hands with another girl. In the elevator she hit the button for the 35th floor. The doors closed. We were alone.

She looked at me and laughed a little. "I won't tell you to relax," she said, "because the nervousness is freaking adorable."

She was holding both of my hands now. I leaned in, let go of her hands and just hugged her as tight as I could. She hugged me back. I hoped no one else got on the elevator. It wasn't that I cared what they'd think or not think--I just didn't want anything to interrupt the moment.

I thought of how, less than half an hour ago, she'd been a number in parentheses on my taskbar. Thirty seconds earlier she hadn't even been that. She'd been someone I didn't know existed. Maybe the 21st century looked a lot like the 20th at a glance, but there were differences. There were great big, awesome differences.

I just held onto her and shut my eyes and breathed in the smell of her hair. Some Herbal Essences flavor. Strawberry, maybe. Then I felt a second of lightness, and the doors slid open.

"Here we are," she said.

Her place was on the southern stretch of the level. We went inside, and she left all the lights off. We kicked off our shoes, and she took my coat and draped it with hers on a chair.

"I want to show you the view," she said.

She led me across the darkened entryway, past the kitchen, and to the living room. With the apartment dark, the only light came from the city beyond the floor-to-ceiling windows. It was beautiful. The whole skyline, looking south at it from the northern edge of the downtown, was curtained in the falling snow. I turned to her and saw it all reflected in her eyes. In that moment she looked a little anxious, herself. Vulnerable, at least.

We kissed.

No way can I put in writing what it was like, kissing her. Just way, way softer and warmer than anything with a guy. I finally understood where all the cliches about great kisses come from. All the lines about tongues melting together, and instant lightheadedness. I felt her small hands pushing my hair away from my face. I ran my hands through hers, too. I don't know how long we stood there like that. Had to have been a few minutes, hardly coming up for air. I felt dizzy. She noticed. She pulled away--no more than an inch or two--and took a deep breath, her eyes never leaving mine.

"Come on," she whispered, and took my hand.

She led me out of the living room into a short hall, and into her bedroom. Same wall of windows. Same southern exposure. Same soft, snowfall-shifting city light filling the room.

The bed was queen-sized. Two big pillows, and a thick comforter on top of dark sheets, all of it a little disheveled. She smoothed it out and motioned for me to lie down, and a few seconds later we were kissing again, her body on mine, its weight feeling wonderful and exactly right. It was okay to feel dizzy, then. Okay to feel like one of the big snowflakes outside, tumbling and turning down into the darkness. Okay to let go of everything and just focus on kissing her.

Time pretty much went away as a concept. I really don't know how long we made out before doing anything else. It might have been an hour. Easily the best hour of my life up to that point, though it was about to get demoted a few places. Such an amazing thing, though, just the kissing. When she was on top, her hair would hang around my face like soft, scented drapes. Never dated a guy with long hair before, and even if a guy had long hair, it wouldn't do what Seana's did. It just wouldn't. And it wouldn't smell like strawberry, either. The times I was on top were wonderful, too. Her body under mine, delicate and tender. That was something else I'd never experienced. Simply the feeling of having someone under you who could be completely defenseless, trusting. There were a few points when I thought I could almost cry, I was just that overwhelmed and that happy, especially when I kissed her neck, and that little birthmark I'd been craving in the coffee shop. I managed to hold myself together, though.

And then clothes started coming off.

Man oh man, that was a nice little moment. I'd gotten so absorbed in the kissing I hadn't really been thinking about where it was going. Then her big toe found the band of one of my socks, got under it, and slid the sock down my calf and off my foot. Then she did the other. By which time I was thinking, oh yeah, there's quite a bit more to this, isn't there.

I was on top at that point. I raised my face a couple inches above hers, met her eyes and smiled.

I took her socks off with my toes. Bare feet against bare feet, tiny and smooth. We kissed again. Soft minutes passed.

Then she rolled us over so that she was on top, and with her knees on both sides of me, pushed herself up into a kneeling position. She pulled her shirt over her head and tossed it on the floor. She took hold of mine and pulled it up, too. I sat up to make it easier, and then it was gone, and we were facing each other, and she reached behind me for my bra clasp, and I reached for hers. Both were on the floor in no time.

I just stared at her breasts. Perfect, perky little B-cups like mine. I thought of the locker room in high school, how I had to be sure to never stare. Now I was more than welcome to. I touched one of them. Traced my fingers around the nipple. She leaned back, supporting herself on her arms. I leaned forward and took her left nipple into my mouth. She sighed. I kissed it, sucked it, rolled it around with my tongue. I did it for minutes. I didn't want to stop. Then I switched to the other one and did the same.

When I finally did stop, she contorted a little and got her legs straightened out, so that she was just sitting instead of kneeling. We were seated facing each other now, inches apart, naked from the waist up. We kissed again. Hands tracing up and down each other's backs. Sometimes we'd stop and just hug each other really tight. When we did that, our tits would mash together. That felt really good. At one point we just stayed like that for a couple minutes, feeling each other breathe.

Then I shivered a little.

"I'm kind of cold, too," she said. "Wanna get under the covers?"

"Yeah."

"Wanna get naked first?"

"Oh yeah."

She smiled. Reached down and unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. I scooted back to give her room, and she slid her fingertips inside the waistband, getting a hold of my panties, too. She pulled them down. I felt her knuckles slide over my ass. Then I lifted my legs and put them together so she could slide the jeans all the way up and off, and when I lowered my legs again, and spread them out around her, I was wearing nothing but what I'd been born in.

For a long moment she just looked at my pussy, biting her lip a little. That in itself was so erotic, just having her attention focused on me like that. My heart was hammering again. I thought I might have some kind of head rush and pass out. To fight it off I leaned forward and undid her jeans, too, and she leaned back and lifted her legs up like I had. I took hold of her jeans and panties, slid them past her ass, and up over her calves and feet. I tossed them onto the floor, and by the time I looked back at her, her legs were apart, the backs of her knees resting on my kneecaps.

I stared at her pussy.

Simply - could - not - look - away.

It was shaved, like mine.

It was absolutely the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

I just kept staring. I have no idea how much time went by. I know I didn't blink, and I know I was taking deep breaths trying to keep up with my heart. And I know at some point she giggled, then leaned forward and kissed me and whispered, "You'll get a closer look," and then she pushed me down onto my back, and shifted around and pulled the covers out from under where I was lying--I arched my back and then raised my legs to help.

A few seconds later we were snuggled together under the sheets and the heavy comforter, pulled up to our necks. We were lying on our sides, facing each other, our heads on one of the big pillows. We pulled tight against each other. All bare skin on skin. That felt so, so good. There's no way in the world to describe it that does it justice. It's just so - damn - much - better with a girl. Sorry guys. The way it felt pulling Seana against me, both of us just sliding our bodies around on each other's, soft and curved and smooth everywhere... none of my fantasies had even come close to what the real thing felt like.

We made out again for a long time. Alternating like before: her on top, me on top. We didn't quite grind our pussies together, but I could feel hers with my pelvis, and I know she could feel mine. We were both soaking wet.

Finally, one of the times when I was on top, I realized I wasn't going to make it another minute. I'd been physically aching to go down on a girl for literally millions and millions of minutes, and one more was suddenly too much to deal with. I broke off the kiss. Raised my face a few inches above hers. Stared into her eyes. Mine must have had the question in them, because hers had the answer. A slight widening. A tiny, outward arch of her eyebrows. A look full of vulnerability and longing. Fuck me eyes.

I slid below the covers.

I kissed and sucked on her right nipple for maybe ten seconds, and then the left for another ten. It was all the time I could afford. I just had to keep moving down. It wasn't even up to me, at that point.

I trailed a line of kisses down her stomach. Felt it rising and falling rapidly as she breathed. I came to her navel. I kissed it. Dipped the tip of my tongue into it.

I continued south. My hands were still up near her breasts, my fingertips gliding lightly over her skin there, down her ribs, her waist. I felt her body shaking a little. My mouth was five inches below her navel now. Trailing slow, wet kisses on her skin. A few inches later I came to the faint hint of stubble from her pubic hair.

I raised my face an inch. The space around me was very dark. Seana's legs made a little tent of the sheets and comforter, her knees about a foot off the bed, and her legs spread.

I eased another few inches south.

It was all real in so many ways I couldn't have imagined. The heat rolling up off of her. The scent. My face was in this perfect, humid little oven of space an inch above her pussy. I inhaled deeply. I was pretty sure I could get high on what I was breathing. Actually, I was pretty sure I already was.

I slid my hands beneath her ass cheeks and gripped them.

And then I sank my lips and tongue into her pussy.

She exhaled forcefully and arched her back.

I had never tasted or felt anything like it. Her folds and lips were sopping wet. Maybe juicy is a better word than wet. I'd tasted myself before, but there was a big difference between sucking on your own finger and having your mouth entirely buried in a girl's pussy. And she tasted different than I did, anyway. Her own unique, musky flavor. I've always liked mine, but I liked hers a lot more.

I tried to absorb every nuance of the moment. Everything that it was. My tongue sliding up and down between her inner lips, deep between them. Slipping partway into the opening of her vagina. Feeling it contract rhythmically as I did. Feeling the muscles in her ass tensing and relaxing in my hands. Sliding my lips and tongue side-to-side across her entire pussy, the whole lower half of my face getting coated with her juices. The tip of my nose brushing against the tender skin of her shaved mound.

Her hands came down into the little tent and found my arms. Her fingertips traced their way up to my shoulders. Ran through my hair. She was trying to be smooth about it, but her movements were very distracted--her concentration was on other things. I loved that. One more detail my fantasies could've never given me. I could hear her breathing harder and faster. Her hips were starting to buck up and down a little. By that time I was back to sliding my tongue deep between her inner lips. Every breath through my nose was saturated with her scent, thick and tangy. On one of my upward passes I kept going, and ran my tongue over her clitoris.

She made a sharp sound, halfway between a sigh and a groan.

I swirled a lazy circle around her clit with the tip of my tongue. Her hips started bucking harder. Her hands went back to my shoulders and just held on. I circled her clit a few more times, and then I started sucking it. I got my lips as wet as I could get them, and sucked her clit and the hood around it--it was hard to tell exactly what was what, by feel alone--in and out of my lips, very, very gently.

She started whispering my name. Once every few breaths, so softly I could just make it out. She was breathing a lot harder now. Definitely getting close. Her hands gripped my shoulders tighter. Then the little tent collapsed around me--she'd dropped her knees flat to the bed, her legs straight and tense and shaking. I started flicking my tongue across her clit each time I sucked it into my mouth.

Then I heard her breath catch hard in her throat and she said my name one more time, louder, and whatever she said next, I missed it, because one of her hands left my shoulder, and I felt her upper body twist a little, and then she was screaming with her other pillow pressed to her face as she came. I felt her stomach muscles spasm really hard, and felt the soft contractions of her vagina against my chin. I kept sucking her clit as she thrashed, and suddenly the feel of her pussy against my face was a lot more slippery, juicy. I heard one last muffled scream as her entire upper body came up off the bed, her legs rising to balance it out, and then all the tension went out of her, and her other hand let go of my shoulder and weakly pushed my head away from her pussy. By which time her whole body was a limp noodle and she was laughing softly and catching her breath.

I let go of her ass cheeks. I lowered my mouth to her pussy again, staying south of her way-too-sensitive clit, and dipped my tongue deep into her folds. I lapped up a few tongue-fuls of her juices and swallowed. I swear Kool-Aid could name a flavor after her.

Then I planted a soft, very wet kiss on her shaved mound and crawled back up beside her. My head slid out from under the covers into the cool air of the bedroom. Seana was lying there, eyes closed, still getting her wind back. I don't think I've ever seen a more blissful smile.

"Spent," she whispered. Then she opened her eyes, saw my completely-mussed-up hair and giggled.

I moved to kiss her, then stopped and reached to wipe her juices from my lips first.

"No, no," she said. "Are you kidding?" And she pulled my face to hers and kissed me, tasting herself. The kiss was somehow tender and intense at the same time. Her lips gently sucking my upper lip and then my lower one, and then our tongues playing together, hot and slippery with her juices. We did that for half a minute and then she rolled over, easing me onto my back and then lying face-down against me, her head on my shoulder and her face tucked into my neck. I could feel her pussy on my thigh, still soaked. She snuggled against me and I held her. I kissed her forehead. I listened to her breathe, and felt her chest rising against mine, and the strands of her hair against my cheek.

Everything, every last tiny detail of the moment, was better than anything I'd ever felt before. I'd never been anywhere near this happy, or emotionally quenched. I held out another minute or so and then I lost it. I started crying like a little kid.

Seana looked up at me, startled. "Jesus, are you okay?"

I laughed a little, through the tears. "I'm so okay. More okay than I've ever been."

But I couldn't stop crying. I was a mess. She looked like she understood. She scooted up on the pillow until her head was higher than mine, then faced me and pulled me against her. As exhausted as she was, she was well aware that, at least this time, I was the one who needed to be snuggled. She held onto me and trailed little kisses across my hairline. She whispered that I was beautiful, and adorable, and that I was a world champion at eating girls.

I laughed again, and sniffled. "I've had lots of mental rehearsal."

I finally quit crying. My breath kept hitching for a while, that little post-crying hiccup you can't just will to go away. It passed on its own after a few minutes. Seana was still holding me, rocking me a little.

"All better?" she said.

"Mmm-hmm."

"Wanna be even better?" I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Definitely," I whispered.

She slid out from under me. I rolled onto my back again. She kissed me, slow and delicate, and then she disappeared beneath the comforter and the sheets, and I felt the soft tumble of her hair tracing down my neck and chest.

She took her time getting to her destination. She spent a couple minutes on each of my tits. She took my nipples between her lips and very gently rolled them between her teeth. I could already feel my face flushing hot. My pussy, too. Hot and getting wet again.

She kissed her way down my stomach. Lavished some attention on my belly button. Then she was past it, moving down, her tongue making little circles inside her kisses on my skin. She came to my mound and kissed it everywhere, slowly, softly. Then she lifted her mouth from me, and I could tell by how her hair moved that she'd slid further down.

The next thing I felt was her mouth, hovering above my pussy just close enough to graze it. She exhaled slowly, her breath steaming hot on my lips.

And a second later her mouth was pressed into me and her tongue was inside me, wet and luscious and lovely.

My words came out in a rush of breath, all by themselves. "Oh my God. Holy shit... Holy shit...

Lightheaded again, like when we'd first started kissing. A tumbling snowflake. I lost track of everything but the feeling of her mouth on my pussy. I rolled my head from side to side on the pillow. My hands were down at my waist, gripping fistfuls of the sheet.

The way her lips slipped around in my juices was so different than it'd ever felt with any of my boyfriends. It wasn't just the complete lack of stubble--though that was nice, too--it was simply how much wetter I was for her than I'd been for any of them. How wet she'd made me.

And none of them had eaten me like this. Not even close.

I wasn't going to last long. That was obvious enough, from the start. She probably could've made me come without even going near my clit.

But she did go near it.

When she sucked it between her lips, I thought I was going to pass out. I tilted my head back and cried out, and came about three times harder than I'd ever come in my life. It felt like being wrung. Like my body was a sponge Seana had spent the past couple hours saturating with the buildup to this orgasm, and in a matter of seconds she'd compressed every drop of it back out of me in this body-wracking gush of pleasure. It came in waves, matching the suction of her mouth on my clit. By the fifth body-contraction I was done. I collapsed and lay there tingling, numb. She stopped sucking on my clit at just the right moment, when she'd taken me to the limit of where I could go, and just before it would've started to hurt. I felt her lips and tongue moving lower down among my folds for a few seconds afterward, sucking at my juices, and then I was just gone. I was unconscious before she even crawled back up to snuggle me.

When I woke up, she was asleep next to me, an arm draped across my chest. I looked at her alarm clock. Just after four in the morning. There were two glasses on the nightstand. One was empty, but the other was full of some kind of dark juice. There were a few tiny ice cubes left in it. She'd set it out for me. I wanted to kiss her, but I didn't want to wake her up. I eased out from under her arm, sat up and took a drink. Cranberry-apple. Delicious. Especially since I was parched. I drank the rest of it in a few gulps and settled back in beside her. She rolled over and nestled her face against my neck, and I kissed her forehead, and we drifted off together.

In the morning I woke half an hour before her. I lay there holding her the whole time, as happy as I'd ever been. Finally she woke. We kissed, talked a little... kissed some more...

I told her I definitely wanted to do this again soon, if she did. She said she did. She also said she wasn't really looking to be exclusive with anyone at the moment, and would almost certainly be hooking up with other girls in the near future. To be honest, it was a little tough to hear, at least in that moment, with her lying naked in my arms, but I understood. She told me I should do the same thing: have fun with lots of other girls, find out what's out there. She said everybody's different. I couldn't imagine anything that was going to top her, but I did actually see her point. And it sounded pretty fun, even then. The thought of just having all options open, and the excitement of meeting up with new girls in other coffee shops, for nights that could be whatever we both wanted them to be.

"But..." she said, "our first night isn't really over yet, is it?"

I smiled. "I was hoping it wasn't."

We kissed again for a long time. We went down on each other again, each of us spending more time at it than last night. We did it with the covers pulled back, and as I ate her, sometimes I'd just stop for a few seconds and stare at her pussy from an inch away, head over heels in love with every little fold and glisten of it.

Now I'm home, two hours later, writing this. I'm in the most amazing mood. I feel like my entire reality has pivoted on some axis, and it's never, ever going to be what it used to be. I can't believe I waited this long. I can't believe I might have waited forever. The walk back from Seana's was surreal. The city looked different. The same buildings, and the same winter sky, but somehow just all different. It's like when you're a kid and you get glasses for the first time, and you realize what the world really looks like. How beautiful the simplest things can be.

I think I'm finally me.

.